Divorcing Jack

Artwork by Diane Taurins (me).

Divorcing Jack

WARNING - SPOILERS! 

Synopsis - Black comedy with a drunken journalist, corrupt politician, murder, infidelity and "chips!" Loads of fun. Pretty wacky movie, but I liked it.  
Released - 1998 
Character - "Cow Pat" Keegan  
Accent - Northern Irish (delicious) 
Good guy or bad boy? - Oh yeah, really bad  
Bastard rating - 9 (he gets a point off for the great sense of humor and for being so damned cute) 
Blood & Bullets - Yes, lots of blood, violence and chips! (Well, the store was closed, so Starkey had to get pizza, but whatever).  
Costumes - Pat is a snappy dresser. Love his clothes. Especially the blue shirt and black pants ensemble. Geez. And an earring! Yeow. 
Pinky Ring? - Oh yeah  
Hair - Extremely short, but it looks great.
Other cast - David Thewlis (Starkey) 
Squidge factor - *Extremely high* I find Pat Keegan to be one of the sexiest characters to date. Don't know why for sure. He just is. Maybe it's the atttitude. And his sense of humor. And the way he moves. And the clothes. And the earring. And . . . (A perfect10 for Pat)  
Death - Yep. "He blowed up good. He blowed up real good." (the SCTV movie guys). 
Screentime - Approximately 18 minutes. 
Favorites Quotes - "How's that for the bigger fucking picture?" * "I thought you said they were long-life batteries?" <--(smartass)

St. Ives

St. Ives

WARNING - SPOILERS!

Synopsis - Cute love story, with good performances. Worth seeing.

Released - 1998

Character - Alain St. Ives, the bad brother

Accent - English (Received Pronunciation)

Good guy or bad boy? - Bad boy

Bastard rating - 7 (would be higher, but he's a coward too)

Blood & Bullets - Battle scenes, some blood, lovely sword fighting. Rated R (nudity).

Costumes - Some nice costumes, some cheesy costumes, some a bit off on the time period . . . The best outfit is the black vest, lovely white shirt and tight black pants with suspenders, and riding boots.

Pinky Ring? - Yes! A large one.

Hair - long, dark hair - not the best wig I've ever seen on him

Other cast - Jean-Marc Barr (cute in an Adrian Paul-ish sort of way), Miranda Richardson (hysterical), Richard E. Grant (excellent) and Anna Friel

Squidge factor - Ummm, well it's there, just somewhat hidden behind the sheer ickiness of the character. Some very nice fencing scenes. But this guy hides behind women in a fight! Stick it out until the end because his legs look like they're a mile long in the last sword fight. *Really* *nice* *pants* (7 out of 10)

Death - Yes, dead again. <sigh>

Favorites Quotes - "His mother was a crab, you know."

DVD - He's in DVD scenes/chapters 6, 8, 10, 12 & 13.

Sweet November

Sweet November

WARNING - SPOILERS!

Synopsis - Jason plays the gay neighbor (and good friend) to the quirky main character (Sara). To be honest, if Jason wasn't in this movie, I'd never watch it again. But he makes it worth watching. Thank you DVD scene selection. 
Released - 2001  
Character - Chaz/Cherry 
Accent - Scottish (wonderful)  
Good guy or bad boy? - Good, very good 
Bastard rating - 0 (no badass here, although he needs to make his own coffee . . .)  
Blood & Bullets - Nada. Rated PG-13 (some nudity). 
Costumes - Weeeellll, Chaz's clothes are nice (lots of layers, denim jacket over t-shirts, jeans, a nice ribbed sweater). Cherry's? You be the judge. The necklace has definitely got to go.  
Pinky Ring? - Chaz, yes, Cherry, no. 
Hair - Chaz - short, Cherry - Red.  
Other cast - Keanu Reeves (blech) and Charlize Theron (beautiful) 
Squidge factor - Very high & not so high. Again with the frelling coffee cup . . . (9 out 10 for Chaz - I am *not* rating Cherry)  
Death - Nope. 
Screen time - approximately 17 minutes, 53 seconds  
Favorites Quotes - Chaz - "Honestly? It tastes like camel piss." * "If I've learned anything, it's that you should have the people who love you, around you for as long as you possibly can." * "Very impressive set of pecs you've got there, Nelson." Cherry - "Ah, it's too late. We sold your dinner to the homeless." * "You're looking a wee bit peaky." * "This isn't a dress - it's a sequined sensation." * "You can talk about me when I'm gone." 

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Artwork by Diane Taurins (me).

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

WARNING - SPOILERS!

Synopsis - Do you really need a synopsis? If you haven't read the books or seen the movies, I feel very sorry for you. 
Released - 2002 
Character - Lucius Malfoy, pureblood wizard 
Accent - English (Received Pronunciation - slightly Sloaney) 
Good guy or bad boy? - Bad, very bad. 
Bastard rating - 12 (yeah, yeah, I know it's only supposed to go to '10', but if Tavington has a 15, Malfoy gets a '12') 
Blood & Bullets - Some blood. Cleaned up for the massive juvenile audience. Rated PG for "Perfectly Gorgeous." 
Costumes - Extraordinary. Wonderful detail. Simply beautiful. Nifty snake cane/wand. He definitely has a way with a cape. 
Pinky Ring? - No, he's wearing gloves. 
Hair - Good gawd, the hair. *Very* long, very blonde (almost white). 
Other cast - Daniel Radcliffe, Alan Rickman, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Harris, Maggie Smith (everyone is excellent) 
Squidge factor - Almost as high as Tavington. Maybe a 12. 
Death - Nope. 

Favorites Quotes - "Well, let us hope Mr. Potter will always be around to save the day." 

The Tuxedo

The Tuxedo

WARNING - SPOILERS!

Synopsis - a *much* better version of "Inspector Gadget" (not that anything could get worse). Overall, a cute movie. 
Released - 2002  
Character - Clark Devlin, secret agent extraordinaire 
Accent - English (Received Pronunciation)  
Good guy or bad boy? - One of the good guys 
Bastard rating - 4 (not an angel by any means - he's a trained secret agent and will take people out)  
Blood & Bullets - Lots of martial arts (obviously because it's a Jackie Chan movie), Jason doesn't have much action (except for a rather bland tango). Rated PG-13. 
Costumes - The Tuxedo (duh), gorgeous suits with gorgeous ties, an extraordinary turtleneck, and who knew that bullet-proof vests and rappelling gear could be so sexy?  
Pinky Ring? - Yes, check out the picture here.
Hair - short with a small hairpiece on top. Not bad really.  
Other cast - Jackie Chan (kinda fun), Jennifer Love Hewitt (blech). 
Squidge factor - Extremely high - he's utterly charming (9 out of 10)  
Death - Nope. But he spends most of the movie in the hospital. 
Favorites Quotes - His order at Burger King - "Two whoppers, hold the onion, extra ketchup, toast the bottom bun only, medium well done, two large fries, extra well done, two chocolate milk shakes, however the chef likes. That's it." * "You're the head of an intelligence agency. Why don't you be intelligent?"